2 Corinthians 9:6 AMP says, " [Remember] this: he who sows sparingly and grudgingly will also reap sparingly and grudgingly, and he who sows generously [that blessings may come to someone] will also reap generously and with blessings."
I WISH I HAD KNOWN
All of us, from time to time, say, "I wish I had known that sooner." I know I have. This is one of those things that I wish I had known 60 years ago. The benefit to me and to my wife of 56 years would have been tremendous. Don't get me wrong. We have had a very good marriage for 56 years. We have, as all marriages do, our ups and downs; our issues and challenges; our moments of hurt and our moments of wonderful joy! What did I learn?
I LEARNED TO LISTEN
A number one problem we see in every couple that comes to us for help in marriage is that they do not know how to communicate. They are missing each other in communication. She says one thing and he hears another. He does not know what she wants so he doesn't talk. She wants to know his heart. He wants her to focus on him when he wants to talk about something. Neither has had a good role model or been taught how to communicate. One example will illustrate this. Learn how to listen actively without giving her any suggestions on how to do what she is trying to work out. (I will have to use another post to share about active listening.)
HOW I LEARNED TO LISTEN TO HER
for years, when my wife had a problem she was trying to work out I would give her immediate answers. Do this or that or something else. She did not like it. I could not understand why. After many frustrating years I finally learned that at times she wants to work things out on her own. She just has to talk through the answers where I think them through and then spout them out. We finally worked it out after many years.
I HELP HER SOLVE THE PROBLEM
Now when she wants to have me involved in solving a problem, she simply says, "I have a problem I am trying to solve. I would like your logic to help me solve it. Please listen and tell me what you think." Now I know I can give her many suggestions. She may not take them all but at least she has that option.
SHE SOLVES IT ON HER OWN
On the other hand, if she wants to talk it out she will say, "I have a problem. Will you just listen and allow me to work out a solution on my own?" Now I give her no answers. I listen until she comes up with a solution of her own and I support whatever she comes up with.
She feels loved. She feels heard. She feels accepted. She feels that she can come up with solutions on her own. I have made her happy so she goes out of her way to give me what I am looking for to make my life a happier one. My home is a more serene, quiet and peaceful place to come home to. I thank God for a woman who has similar views about spiritual things, marriage, home life and ministry.
MORE TO COME
Phil and Margi Wynn have been believers since the mid 70's. They, along with their three girls, have endeavored to learn all they could concerning the unconditional love, acceptance, forgiveness and grace of God. Phil and Margi have worked with youth, singles, couples, men and women in all walks of life to help them become all that God has called them to be. We hope you will enjoy some of the lessons we have learned along the way.